I briefly worked in entertainment in my twenties to support the ministry work I did for free. (For years - I do not recommend it; in fact, I regret it.) Our company was acquired, and one of the owners spent his entire career as a creative at Jim Henson. They laid off fifty-something employees.
King of the Canadian tux, he leaned a denim arm across my desk and I could smell the aged leather of his black vest. His steady presence and casual demeanor felt grounding in a tense, chaotic pitch meeting. He pointed around the room, lowered his voice, and said, “In chaos, there is great opportunity.”
I didn’t know he was quoting Sun Tzu, and I don’t think like a war general. It’s easier now to see his push to capitalize on the moment, but to my career detriment, I began to think of the people. What it might feel like for a coworker to lose her entire team; the stress of folks finishing the week; the pressure to perform for a new owner; laid off senior management wondering who would hire a 40-something executive with kids and a mortgage.
Sometimes I wonder where I would be if I’d taken the job the new owners offered me. I remember telling him no; he offered me more money and said, “Look, it’s very hard to compete with God, Ashley.” I’d decided to take a job working for a church in outreach and community development. (Yes, I’d decided to be poor for the rest of my twenties.) It was one of those sliding door moments that pre-Goop Gwyneth taught us to treasure.
Everything would have gone differently, but either way, the work of being human is the same: hard and holy.
I’m allowing my regrets to speak to me this year. I am listening, learning, understanding. I’m giving myself space to say what feels true and making the necessary changes. The pulse of my convictions grows stronger with age while my certainty is damn near dead. I see why folks two or three times my age would say, “The older I get, the less I know.”
Today is my birthday, and that is my takeaway from last year: Listen to your regret. Do not try to shut it up, or put lipstick on a pig. Let it talk. Not so it can sink you but so you can get to the truth.
“Do you know what is truer than truth? The story.” Isabel Allende
Your life is writing a beautiful story. Like all our favorites, your chapters are filled with tragedy, tension, conflict, transformation, triumph. Friend, keep turning the page. Life is long but the through line is hope.
Alright, as promised, week 3 of After Hours is my favorite things/what’s saving my life right now. This is the birthday edition, so words first, then links :).
The Danger of a Single Story: Chimanda Ngozi Adichie Ted Talk
Regret: Our Most Understood Emotion: Jen Hatmaker with David Pink
The Personal Brand Paradox with Debbie Millman (Also, get her design book!!)
We Need to Talk About Professional Jealousy (BRILLIANT!)
Poker Face - if you do not watch this you ARE MISSING OUT!
Below Deck Adventure - I don’t care what you think about me, clearly. Can we have a watch party?
Armchair Expert with Pamela Anderson: My word, she is honest and sweet. Loved this interview.
Tell Her Story: Audible Original - listened on a Saturday morning while playing and cooking for kids. Light and easy, but still murderey!
Sweed Mascara: The most expensive thing that I do not regret buying
Kith + Malin Goetz Rogue Body Wash - my husband likes expensive things and turns out that I love this one even though I fussed at him for purchasing.
Bryan Anthony’s Highs and Lows necklace: Y’all, Cody got this for my birthday today and it made me quite teary - he wrote in words to personalize it to us, but it’s just what I needed. Could make a sweet gift for a friend or for yourself!
Paleo Burger Bowls with Fries: We eat this once a week. Fries are delicious and we make patties and do our own thing a bit but the base of this is yum!
Mongolian Beef: Another staple in our home! (Sorry to my vegan and vegetarian friends!)
Okay, that’s it for now. Love you big time. So glad you’re here.
Ash
Happy birthday, Ash! I am so thankful to learn from your words and life. Thanks for showing up here so generously.
Happy birthday! Oh, your words caught my heart!❤️