Making major decisions from a grounded place

Hello friends,

Hope your Monday ain’t being a Monday but if she is, bless you. I’ve still got to go to Costco if that tells you anything about how my Monday is going. GIRL BYE is how I am feeling.

I considered ranting here or writing well about racism and guns and the crushing, senseless violence Ralph Yarl by an EIGHTY-FIVE-YEAR-OLD neighbor but decided it would not add hope or joy to your heart. Its not just Ralph, as you well know. This week’s numbers alone are enough to make us settle into sorrow. I’m thanking God that he is alive and at home recovering and I’m thankful to see people from all over donating over $2M to a fund to support his family.

What I know, after journeying together for this short year is that you are people who understand the gravity of injustice. You are aware of the need for justice and love and neighborliness to prevail. You are here because in your daily life, that is what you seek and work toward. After Hours is a place for hope in hard places and we find ourselves in difficult spaces. Not just in the news but in our real lives. We are facing health challenges and family struggles, difficult diagnoses and career crossroads, hidden desires and complex realities.

You don’t need a rant or think piece from me. So, I decided to lean into my original plan for this month’s Mentor Monday: what to do when you sense the unction to change and how to discern and make major decisions from a grounded place.

As a person, as well as a community and family member, strong choices are an important part of my path. Through many hardships and mistakes, my process is wiser, my boundaries are better, and my gut is golden. I’ve learned to listen to myself and follow [what I believe is] God’s leading to make sound decisions that lead to greater capacity and margin.

Margin is how I stay sober.

The room healthy choices gives me increases my vitality, fills me with hope (even if I first feel grief), and gives me a personal sense of autonomy and wellbeing. I make most of my decisions based on margin. That is important context for you to know - this is my motivation and intention - to seek and create margin in all areas of my life.

I used to feel so guilty and ashamed of that need. I’d push well beyond my true capability and deal with those choices on the backend. I put everything and everyone else first at the expense of my closest relationships and took great pride in my work ethic. I still do! I’ve worked since I was 13 - I love, love working. I feel closer to God when I am doing meaningful work in the world, when I sense I am making a difference in people’s lives. It fills me with joy and I feel alive when I can contribute to something bigger than myself to serve others.

I’ve just had to learn that work is not the most important thing in life and that I’m not so important that I couldn’t be replaced in a hot second. Now, my family, friendships, and my personal wellbeing remain my primary pursuits in life. That way, my contributions at work, church, and in the community can be excellent but not at the expense of the most important things. Sometimes, that costs me opportunities, but at the end of the day, I keep my integrity, sanity, and sobriety. I love that trade-off.

How to make major decisions from a grounded place: 5 Questions