Not my circus, not my monkeys
"Avoiding the danger zones of crap I care about but can't influence"
Christmas came early to our house this year. The first tree went up on November 1st, and we put up the garland, the second tree, and all the rest yesterday. Yes, two trees. We're not usually like this, but how can I do otherwise in 2022? I'm surrounded by ego-maniac billionaires threatening to run Twitter, and Los Angeles and Hershel Walker (???!!!!) is headed to a run-off in Georgia. So, let there be Christmas.
Mariah Carey and Dolly Parton Christmas, to be exact. Have y'all seen these two gushing over each other because it is giving me life?
Honestly, I feel okay about politics. I will keep showing up, making calls, sending emails, and volunteering locally at my kid's school. But I'm not about to pontificate on the idiocy of unqualified clowns trying to run Congress (or the Christians who support them). I'm glad there's no red or blue wave, so folks have to duke it out and do the job we pay them to do. (WITH THE HARD-EARNED 30% THEY TAKE, WHICH I WOULD GLADLY PAY SANS COMPLAINT IF EDUCATION, HEALTHCARE, AND HOUSING WERE DECENT.) This isn't a reality show, for Pete's sake. Work together, compromise, deal with your mess, and stop trying to go viral. "Not my circus, not my monkeys" is where I'm at in the American political process.
My friend Chanel says we should:
"Avoid the danger zones of crap I care about but can't influence and the secret time-suck spaces where I have influence and concern, but it's not my problem. Stay in your lane."
Where do you have all three of these things? Concern, influence, and responsibility.
As a lover of justice and someone who desires to make an impact, my concern list is long. But my influence (where I can be an agent of change) and my actual areas of responsibility list are short… which means I can give too much energy to the wrong things and too little to the right ones.
My gut told me eighteen months ago to pare it down and pivot. The unction made no logical sense, but I knew it was right in my soul, so I listened. It's been hard to boil my life down to that sweet spot where the circles overlap, but it's been right. My body, brain, and heart needed the change for reasons I couldn't predict. So did our family, especially our kids.
You can fight racism in your neighborhood. (Someday, I'll write to you about two Trader Joe's instances and a situation at school.) You can engage in politics locally and sit at the table for an hour, reading props and checking judges' records before you vote. (Instead of opting out like 80% of people do for local elections.) You can become a person of integrity whom people can trust. You can foster connectedness and neighborliness right where you are. (Even if you rarely get to leave the house, like us.) You can build resources and community to change the future for yourself and your family.
What's in the middle where your circles overlap?
That's the sweet spot where sanity and sobriety live. Let me leave you with a prayer from the recovery world:
God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
courage to change the things I can,
and wisdom to know the difference.
Love to love ya,
Ash
P.S. I’m planning to do a mentor series in December and January by interviewing some of my mentors. A few will be videos and a few will be short, two-three question written interviews. This will be for paid subscribers only and I’m offering a discount on an already affordable option. Enjoy!! AND MERRY MARIAH AND DOLLY CHRISTMAS!
Every act of integrity, kindness, or compassion, no matter how "small" ripples far beyond what we can possibly imagine. It's hard to be content with that, when I'm surrounded by so much that I KNOW could be better, but your article helped me get there. Again. :-)