I keep one simple rule for social media: If I am posting it, then I am living it. After another American tragedy, scrolling through any social media is both a NeNe Leaks eye roll at influencer hypocrisy and a pit in my stomach that says gird your loins, cause here we go again.
Every time I sit to write you a draft like this, I chuck it because we are all facing the ramifications of something awful together. Then I think, Can lotion, plants, books, and biscuits help us? (Spoiler Alert: Yes.) But I reminded myself that we need to respond to the pain of this world and we need to take care of ourselves inside of it.
Response + CTA
My eyes are still stinging from dead babies in classrooms. It is so horrific that I am numb, but I will not post and shout and rage and do nothing. My first phone call to Governor Abbott’s office was to remind him that it doesn’t have to be this way. It is at the top of my prayer list to see that man ousted from office. My subsequent six calls were to every field office in Texas to request Ted Cruz’s raggedy thoughts and prayers behind stop being a prideful, partisan person and pass legislation to keep kids in America alive. Today, I called local Los Angeles and California leaders because that is what I can do. Posting ain’t doing nothing for the cause. We need to pray with our feet. ACT. Advocacy does not have to be so large that it paralyzes us - it is as simple as phone calls that take less than ten minutes.
My son detailed a safety drill they’d just completed in his classroom a few days before the shooting. “Our teacher locks the door, and we get under our desks and have to be quiet.” “Do you know why you do this, son?” “Just in case someone not safe comes to our school, Mama.”
We did tornado drills when I was growing up, but my kid, his friends, and teachers are practicing how not to die.
Will somebody please help me make sense of this Twilight Zone we live in? It is crushing. I don’t even know how to process it - I am going numb. If you are overwhelmed, you are not alone. If you’re trying to talk to your kids about all of this, my dear friend and educator, LaTrayl shared this resource with me - a thread of articles to help.
In my pre-baby days, I worked across multiple sectors of Los Angeles, serving as a prison chaplain, a member of a community board, and mobilizing volunteer teams to meet needs in the city. I sat with a legislator during that time, and she told me that they assume that for every caller, there are 300 other people who feel the same way. That’s how they count the calls. I call my local leaders so often that they probably know my number because, in a democracy, we hold each other accountable for the greatest good. I’m here for a helpful social post and a complaint worth reading, but I want to encourage you to take the next step.
Your voice matters more than you know. And while there are some greedy, prideful leaders out there, to be sure, the majority of people who choose to serve in local, state, and federal government want to help people. (Shout out to Senator Feinstein, who still sends me a Christmas card every year because her team loves their constituents.) So, on my first After Hours Round-Up, number one is, CALL YOUR PEOPLE. Snatch them. Fill their inboxes. Set up meetings. Order pizza, invite friends and do an old-school ROLL CALL, fam. Because this is bullshit. It doesn’t have to be this way.
Round Up: Care Edition
Ready for my recommendations? Beauty, Books, Biscuits, Plants and Wallets.
BEAUTY
It turns out lotion is a sacred practice that I stopped because who has the time? My skin is so dry it is almost reptilian. Eczema covers my hands from December to June. It is so painful I shed tears several times a week from the bleeding and cracking. So I'm making time—two things that help: This Drunk Elephant body lotion and this Rooted hydrating hand cream. If you want your face to shine but not look oily, try this Glossier Futuredew.
Water is as holy as a nap. Water can save your life. Hydration helps your brain and body work. (Not Dasani or Aquafina 'cause that stuff'll kill you.)
BOOKS
I'm here to report that I am returning to my pre-pandemic reading levels. For two years, I couldn't bring myself to read outside of a bit of fiction, and if I did anything beyond that, it was an audiobook. My last several reads were terrific, and I want to share them with you. First up, the two in the photo - small books that I've read more than once, and if you need soul and spiritual care the way I do, may you read and be blessed. Sabbath as Resistance: Saying NO to the Culture of NOW by Walter Brueggemann and Domestic Monastery by Ronald Rolheiser. If you have not savored his book Holy Longing, may I also recommend it? I wept through that Audiobook as we drove across America.
In no particular order, here are the books I just finished or am wrapping up this week:
All the White Friends I Couldn't Keep by Andre Henry
The Dictionary of Lost Words by Pip Williams
On Writing by Stephen King I am almost always reading a book about writing.
I Guess I Haven't Learned that Yet by Shauna Niequist This one surprised me! Her honest talk about midlife did my heart good.
My Body Is Not a Prayer Request by Dr. Amy Kenny If you follow me anywhere on social, you know that I ADORE my friend, Amy. She is one of my all-time favorite writers. I'd read her grocery lists, honestly.
The Inheritance Games by Jennifer Lynn Barnes Fun young adult fiction - always a win, in my book.
Listening to the first two simultaneously on Audiobook lit my brain on fire. At the end of Andre's book, he writes about the Jamaican language Patois and how we're all taught to believe that any vernacular other than proper English is inferior. Pip's main character, Esme, is on a subversive mission to add the common language of the poor and domestic workers and women to the dictionary. She is the only woman in the scriptorium where words are debated and recorded. These two books together were a great reminder that words foster truth, connection, and resistance. And that the dominant narrative is always missing the good stuff.
BISCUITS
I’ve never met a biscuit I didn’t like. My heart is in the Carolina’s where Biscuitville, Bojangles, and Callie’s serves ‘em up hot and fresh. My oldest friend, Katie (AKA Burl), airmails me biscuits from time to time. This was (by far) my favorite post-baby Covid care package. Get yourself some biscuits with chives, sweet biscuits, or a good old fashioned batch or gift some to a friend.
If we’re baking at home, we use Lucinda Scala Quinn’s Mad Hungry recipe. Enjoy!
PLANTS AND WALLETS
I can’t stop buying plants. Fiddle Leaf Figs, rubber plants, snake plants, jade, devil’s ivy, monstera… bring it on. My home used to be a place of convalescence for anything green. Hello little one, did you come here for your last days? Indeed you did! But somehow, during Covid, I got a little green in my thumb. My new favorite human on the Internet is Alexis Nikole AKA @blackforager. Her reels are hilarious and she teaches us how things grow and how not to die eating plants in the wild. In case you’re doing that. You’re welcome!!! Finally, Claire Akin on YouTube just saved my fiddle, Frank. Fanny is fine, but I forgot to water Frank ONE TIME and he cussed me out by dropping all his bottom leaves. He’s on the mend, thanks to these videos.
Last, but certainly not least, the Hobo wallet. Y’all. I got one of these at a community yard sale ten years ago for $2 and it changed my life. For Mother’s Day, my hubby got me a new one. (It was not $2, wow, is this illegal to charge this much?) Anywho, there’s nothing like a proper wallet to make me feel like I have my life together.
DAMN THAT WAS LONG.
Thanks for hanging in there. I’m glad you’re here in the After Hours neighborhood.
I need your hot takes, so questions for you: What beauty products and books are you loving right now? Do plants come to your home to live or die? What ordinary thing makes you feel like you have your life all the way together?
We’re all glad you woke up this morning. You are important. Your cares and concerns matter. You are seen and loved by God.
See you next week,
Ash
Love you friend! And your dry hands😂