Let’s start with this: why did none of you tell me about first class flights? Are you trying not to brag? Or do you also live like a peasant?
Anywho, I recently spent four glorious days in Manhattan for my friend Pri’s conference. It was my first time returning after the pandemic, and since we moved, so I’d lined up dinners and walks with friends so we could walk the Hudson, eat good Greek, and catch up on life. I miss that NY energy.
However, my flight was included in the 8,000 canceled due to weather a few weeks back. So, after three canceled, I landed on an overnight (that was two hours delayed), and when I showed my ticket to the stewardess to board the plane, she said. “Hmmm,” and I died inside. “Please see my colleague Patrick for a new seat assignment.”
I got back in another long line and when it was at last my turn (again), I said, “Hi Patrick, tell me the damage. Is it a better or worse seat?” He smiled, maybe because the four people in front of me borderline cursed him out, and said, “Better. I think you’ll be surprised.”
Wonderful! Extra comfort seat! Emergency row? Obviously not a middle… and when I found my way to 5C in first class, I had zero chill. I repeat: ZERO CHILL. The flight attendant stopped by to ask me what take-off drink I wanted while handing me a beautifully branded pack filled with a toothbrush, toothpaste, eye mask, and ear plugs. “John, it’s midnight, I’m good on drinks. Can you please talk to me about all these buttons?! Does this lay down? Is that a massager for real? Tell me everything, literally!!!” (Also: take off drink?! They are lying to us in the back about what is possible.)
He patiently taught me to MAKE MY SEAT A BED and how to open my PILLOW AND FULL LENGTH BLANKET PACK while my brain exploded. I looked at the guy next to me, a hilarious soul, in his late sixties and high on life (by this I mean literally high). “Sir, tell me, are you a peasant like me who got upgraded or do you live like this?”
“Oh, I live like this. I’m very blessed.” Indeed. I heard about his flight attendant girlfriend (this is everything you think it is), forty years of making records, the family home in the South Hamptons, and his friendship with Andy Warhol. He was a dream boat who asked good questions but was also like “my Ambien kicked in - deuces.”
I’d done everything in my power to avoid an overnight flight to the east coast. With my health, a trip like that sets me back and it takes me a good week to recover. I was bracing myself, but turns out, I was not a flight as a giant who would bang her knees against the seat in front of her and cry to Mother Mary for relief from five hours of hell, I was on a flight fit for a very tired mama of three still recovering her health.
We woke after four full hours of sleep to oat milk lattes and OJ. Did I cry? I did.
Why am I telling you this story?
Because sometimes life is beautiful when you least expect it. Don’t get me wrong, life will have you wondering why the Lord himself has not sent a second flood. (Although these orcas got me wondering if creation has found a flood/rainbow loophole.)
But then you have a meal with a friend and feel loved and understood. Or you catch a financial break you needed. Or your kids have a good day after a string of bad ones. Or you expect to have a terrible night and it turns out to be a delight.
The pandemic did a number on my expectations. I’m not sure what I expect anymore from Earth, but it ain’t much and I’m working to change that. In my twenties, I began to accept a more integrated perspective, welcoming the good with the bad, offering myself that freedom as well - freedom to be human, to be decent, to make mistakes. I balanced my idealism with reality. We live and die on our expectations so reality matters AND it matters that we expect good things, too. Especially when you’ve experienced a good run of, Excuse me Lordt, mind telling me what in the sam hill is going on around here?? I love the question family therapist Nicole Zasowski asks often:
What if it’s wonderful?
She’s giving us a positive frame. What if the change you’re experiencing turns out to be glorious (with oj and oat milk lattes!)? What if the risk you’re taking in your career leads to your best work yet? What if that relationship is restored? What if the struggle in parenting frees you from perfectionism and self-protection? Friend, what if it’s wonderful?
That’s the energy I’m bringing to the second half of this year. I’ve been around the block and not naive to the challenges ahead, but I’m expecting good things. And I’m believing that for you, too.
Love to love ya,
Ash
PS: Things that caught my eye the last 30 days:
Dopamine dressing! There’s tons of articles about this but my friend, Dani, is the first person I heard this from - she’s fab and the reason I bought several hot pink tings!
Charlie Wilson on Tiny Desk The former lead singer of the Gap Band, who is on every R&B song you’ve ever loved (Computer love, I wanna be your man, Outstanding, etc.)
Keke Palmer on Terrell Grice Who knew she could also sing?! We stan queen! Wear whatever you want and that’s on GAWD.
The paid what you’re worth myth Robert Reich debunking an economic myth
Your ambivalent relationships are your most toxic Adam Grant does it again!
Didn’t expect Fran Drescher to lead the movement but love seeing her fight for the rights of writers
Savannah James and her babies (hilariously) honoring Lebron at the Espys
THREADS! I was anti… but then it felt like old days of twitter and now I’m a fan.
You could make this place beautiful by Maggie Smith - a stunning memoir
UPS forever Rooting for the teamsters to come to an agreement. Cause we all know we can’t trust USPS and FedEx be out here charging too much money to move these packages!
Too much TV! Love: THE BEAR OMG CAN WE TALK ABOUT IT - HOW DO WE GATHER AND DEBRIEF? Overall Like: Silo, Platonic, The Afterparty (minus that pride and prejudice episode), Masterchef Regions, Lincoln Lawyer EXCITED FOR: Housewives of NYC if you think I’m not tuning in direct for the relaunch and premiere in two days you are sorely mistaken.
BUT THEN will dopamine dressing help me feel better the next time you fly and return to peasant life?
<3
Thank you for taking the time to write this piece. It was also very hilarious. I’m going to be starting a new job as a teacher this fall and am both excited and nervous at the same time especially as every piece of advice for 1st year teachers is preceded by its gonna be a damn hard year but what if the year is ALSO wonderful? Just what if this year I learn something new about myself or the beauty of humanity? Just what if...